Saying Farewell

Here I am back again with a brand new blog only this time, it has a different mood. As it nears Saturday, I begin to start feeling bittersweet about the day because of the fact that a truly remarkable human being that I admired greatly is being laid to rest. On January 2, 2000, I was bored and flipping through channels to see what was on that night because on most Sundays, nothing was really on TV unless you were lucky enough to find a game or documentary on. I just so happened to stumble across what was on CBS, thinking that it was a movie because all of the people were at a New Year's party dressed in their tuxedos and ball dresses. I figured I would leave it there since it looked interesting. After the first few seconds, I saw two familiar faces that I had seen as a child before seeing the next one that completely changed things in an instant. My eyes became locked on a handsome man who appeared to be in his early to mid 30s with sandy blond hair, green eyes, and a great sense of charm. I ended up adding on to the list of crushes after that one. As I continued watching the show, I had to find out what the show was and what his name was. Come to find out....it was 'Touched By An Angel,' one of the hottest shows on CBS at the time and thought why I didn't start watching the show sooner. Of course, I later found out that his name was John.

The entire episode, I couldn't get over how gorgeous he was and how great of an actor he was, too. It was almost like he WAS who he was on the screen off the screen, too! I made it through the entire show, and eventually, it turned into watching every Sunday night, grasping the messages that the angels would bring to people and to let us know how much God loves us and is there for everyone. Now I will admit...the crush definitely grew after a while, but what was the most important thing was seeing issues that people went through in the real world as well as words from the Father. As I got better with internet, I started researching on how to contact cast members of the show (since I am big on collecting autographs and letting people know how much I appreciate their work and such), and I was in luck. Before starting my Freshman year of high school, I sent a letter to him saying how I had become a big fan over time and that he was such a great actor and part of why I no longer fear death like I did since he was portraying Andrew, the angel of death. I wrote him a poem too which I thought was kinda cheesy but I figured it would grab his attention.

*Fast Forward a year*
Right around my Sophomore year at East Ascension, I received one of the greatest gifts of all...an 8X10 sized manilla envelope address to me and was titled "Miss" in front of my name....in John's handwriting! I opened it and saw an autographed picture just for me as well as a note saying "Thanks for the poem. Beautiful" and then he signed that too! I think I broke the walls in my house a little at a time from all the screaming I did! That was the second time in my life that someone I looked up to actually took time and got back to me despite a busy schedule. I took that autograph everywhere, to school, family functions...you name the place, I brought it with me! Getting settled into school took a lot of my free time, so one day when we actually had down time in class, I decided to sit down and try to write a thank you letter to him for the little present. Of course, that came with trying to get a date for Homecoming too because when you're in high school and you constantly got rejected by the guys there, it was time to move up to bigger and better...and you didn't want to miss out on the dances and such! Unfortunately, that letter never got to him because after the 9/11 events, a lot of networks were turning away fan mail due to the anthrax threats, so that letter was sent right back to me.

As I continued to keep up with the show until it ended near the end of my Junior year, I always kept it in mind that one day, I would get the chance to actually say thanks and then some. For the time being, I had to settle for reruns of the show which made me sad and think about what he could be doing since the cast went their separate ways. I know that since then, he did do a few films but they weren't anything major. I just at least knew that he was still around somewhere and was alright.

*Present Day-2011*
Going into Christmas, I had a tradition of watching the two movies he did with Kathy Ireland (both which are great by the way), and so even after the holiday, I still watched the movie. I also watched some of my favorite 'Touched By An Angel' episodes I had on the DVR in recent days, too. I had even stayed up four nights in a row reading a story I wrote about him within one week and had a cast photo at my desk at Home Depot hanging next to one of my favorite singers. On January 13, I went off to Marksville with my family to enjoy a night stay at Paragon, reading that story in the car once more and changing my iPod wallpaper to one of my favorite pictures of him. Everything seemed to be going great....until dinner time. I had been texting occasionally due to the lack of cell phone service, and I felt the phone in my pocket when it vibrated. It was one of my close friends texting me to say hi and to see if I had seen the news and that she thought about me in the process. Now I'm thinking that something happened at home or closeby, but when I asked what happened, she broke the news to me. John had passed away from a heart attack on the 10th, but the news just broke that day. I had no desire to eat my lemon meringue pie anymore after hearing that. I had a lump in my throat so bad I thought I was going to be sick, and my eyes started to get misty. I kept thinking, "This HAS to be a hoax...it just has to." Soon I checked the main page on Yahoo and saw his picture there and the article saying that he had died at 47. My heart broke into millions of tiny peaces and fell into my stomach. I had to keep it together since I was with my family, and they were already giving me grief about the issue just because I didn't know him personally. I don't think they understand that when you love someone and admire them for what they did and who they were, something tragic happening to them, and at such a young age, is devastating. Losing someone like that is like losing a friend whether you knew them personally or not. That night before I went to sleep, I went through my pictures in my phone and found the one I had and kissed it and said how much I loved him quietly and then said a prayer before tossing and turning an hour or two.

As I stated not too long ago, it's very sad to know that someone you admired whole heartedly passes away. It cuts like a knife because it's a shock when you just saw the person and they have crossed your mind as of late. What I do know is that he is with the real angels now in a better place, and that in itself makes me happy. It is hard to say goodbye, but ever since that day, I have done nothing but look back at all the good times and smiled, even shed a few tears as I laughed. Since he is being laid to rest tomorrow, I wanted to write this blog to get all of my feelings out. Thank you so much for all of the good times, great memories, and all that you gave while you were here. You will ALWAYS be in my heart, and you will never be forgotten. R.I.P. Johnny....God Bless.